Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
