New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
