I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
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