Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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