I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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