There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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