"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
