if only i could text you this smell
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
