her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
