so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
