11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
