I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize