i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
