why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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