He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
