I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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