how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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