I wannas sexs uuuuu
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
