we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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