How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
