Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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