i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
