i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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