Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
