porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
