The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
There's even glitter on my cock...
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