I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize