when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
