I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
