I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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