We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
