i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
