did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
