it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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