So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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