At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
