I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you inspire me to be a worse person
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
