I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
