A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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