i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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