Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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