Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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