I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
