SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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