If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize