your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
