i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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