just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
