I am puke
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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