Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
