Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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