Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
