Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
