Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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