woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
