this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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