so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
