how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Found your dick twin last night
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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