I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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