jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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