Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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