so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
