Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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