Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
