naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
