I am puke
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
