if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
