If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
