Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you had me at cake vodka
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
