drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
