Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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