about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
