Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
