I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
