Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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