your room smells of hookers.
And success
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
