So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
