I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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