Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
