the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
