i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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