remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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