thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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