i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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