i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
