i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
