I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
