Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
