it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
