Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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