im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
