hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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