3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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