i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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