Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
